Your Day But NOT All About You

So far I've covered how to get ready to start your planning, today I'm go to cover one of the most discussed topics about wedding planning.  Other's opinions. Who can or can't have a say, who gets to have a say about what, ect.  This post is to help you understand where your friends and family are coming from when the so graciously offer their opinions on "your day."

First things first:
It's been told that the wedding/wedding day/wedding process is all about the Bride.  How she looks, what she wants, how she wants the groom/bridesmaids, groomsmen, mothers to look, she decides what venue to use, the flowers are her favorite, the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and the list goes on.

NEWS FLASH! It's NOT all about the bride.  A wedding is a union of TWO people and a celebration of two FAMILIES coming together as one. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news :( but someone had to say it.

Now don't get me wrong it's perfectly fine to choose your colors, your dress, your hairstyle etc. and possibly the bridesmaids' dresses.  BUT (and this is a big but..) it's also important to take other opinions into consideration.  After all the groom should be able to have a say in what HE is wearing (don't you think?) I wouldn't want someone bossing me around saying you are required to wear this, and the same goes for the mothers/grandmothers, fathers etc.

Planning is a grueling process and believe me you cannot do it alone! And who is the first person or people you would turn to for support? FAMILY (or close friends that count as family). Having your family and friends there to support you is what makes wedding planning so special.  These people have been there through thick and thin in throughout every other part of your life, why would you not want their support/help on your big day?  I'm also not saying you have to implement everything that each family member says is important, but it is important to hear them out. Now-a-days majority of couples are marrying later in life and are paying for all or most of their weddings on their own so it's easy to for them to forget that the wedding is a celebration for their parents/families as well. Think about it, how excited were they when you told them you were engaged? Wouldn't you want to help make sure your child's or best friend's or sister's wedding was the best day of their life?..Yeah I thought so. :) With this being said, it's important to understand that just because they are your family (mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, and everyone else) it's safe to say you may not agree with everything they have to say about your wedding. Hello, this is what makes you a family! Thanksgiving dinners and Christmases just wouldn't be any fun if everyone had the same opinions and values all the time....oh boy would that be boring!

Another aspect that goes hand in hand with valuing opinions is to not lose yourselves as a couple and as individual in the planning process.  Weddings and the wedding industry in particular, have put an enormous amount of pressure on the bride and groom to have the most elegant, extravagant, fancy, chic, expensive wedding ever because it's what is "expected." No offence to those out there who plan on have a $50,000+ wedding (congrats if you are that's freakin' awesome!), but that's just not our thing.  My finance an I are no frills, low maintenance, go-with-the-flow kind of people. Why would we change that for our wedding? We aren't going to enforce the "black tie" affair dress code, or the everyone but the bride wears black thing.  Not for nothing, if you want to wear jeans, by all means wear what you want.  The point is that you're there (you have clothes on....) and you're celebrating with us! No one is going to remember what your guests wore to the wedding, you yourself as a bride/groom or family member of those getting married most likely won't remember what the color of the napkins on the tables were without looking at a picture. But you will remember what it FELT like.  Having all the people you love in one place at the same time to celebrate the beginning of your new life.  THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT!

It is important to understand that planning can be stressful with so many opinions (wanted or unwanted) floating around.  Keep in mind that these people are trying to help, they're excited, and sometimes they don't realize that they're not on the same page as you.  Relax, and take a moment to fill them in on exactly what you are looking for and how their idea will work or will not work for you personally, or as a couple.  Communication is key! If they don't know that you don't want to ride in on a four-wheeler, toting a shotgun, wearing an all camouflage dress, they'll think it's the greatest idea ever and that if you don't do it, you don't value their opinion. Take time to explain your plan and involve them in the other details that they may like/be good at instead. What I mean by explaining is; gently breaking it to them that their grand idea may not necessarily work for you.  It is difficult to maintain your composure and stay on point with so many ideas, needs, and stress just waiting to explode at the very next person who says the wrong thing.  I get it....believe me.  Planning is by no means easy, sometimes it's not even fun. We have had our fair share of "heated discussions" and tears because someone's comments/opinion were taken out of context.  But that doesn't mean you have to go all Bridezilla on someone when they are trying to offer you help. Be nice about it! Maybe they have much better taste in wedding food, than wedding attire, have them help with the menu or seek their opinion when your not sure which wine to pair with dinner, or if you need an opinion on whether they think having a three course meal with a fruit cup as the first course (-_- ugh the fruit cups! ) will please your guests the most.  Lastly, if you need to vent, then by all means call your best friend, your mom, your sister, your fiancè, whomever, and vent! They get it! Even if they have no idea what or whom your talking about they have always been there to get you through tough/annoying/I'm going to kill someone moments. I'm confident they would have no problem helping you through your current crisis.

Use these opinions to your advantage! You know the old saying "It takes a village to raise a child."? The same goes for planning a wedding. It takes a whole team.  Hence the reason why people are making oodles of dollars running wedding planning businesses (Man, I'm in the wrong field)! If someone offers an opinion/idea that may not work perfectly, talk it over with them and explain what you liked about their idea and invite them to take the lead on that part of the planning.  If they say "I know someone who can...(insert awesome connection in the wedding planning business)" then by all means seek their help! Just like in job hunting, networking is HUGE and could save you tons of money in the end.  Have that relative/friend be the contact person for whatever service they have a connection with,  and have them gather the information and present it to you based on the likes and dislikes you previously discussed.  Then go together to meet the vendor(s), and have them help you with creating the perfect package price/negotiations to get the best deal.  Teamwork works wonders and will reduce your stress tremendously all while involving people who care the most about you and your groom during your planning process. It's a total win-win! :)

Keep calm, communicate, and be thankful you have these people that care so much!

Thoughts? Share in the comments section below!